A grandmother has found viral fame and an outpouring of support on social media after revealing that she is now “living her truth” following a 63-year “Lavender Marriage”.
When Christian Owens shared a TikTok about her grandparents’ relationship, their story touched the hearts of millions.
You see, their love story comes with an unexpected twist: for over six decades, Donald, Owens’ grandfather, was a gay man, while her grandmother, Elida, is bisexual.
The truth behind their marriage emerged after Donald’s death in July 2021. It was then that Elida revealed she is attracted to women, too, surprising her family with the announcement.
When her family spoke about how Donald never got to live his truth as a gay man, Elida told her family: “At least I get to live mine now”.
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“Being able to live as my true self now means more to me than freedom — it is freedom,” Elida told PEOPLE. “Please don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband so much. We had a beautiful life together, but not being able to be our true selves made us feel like we were in a prison.”
A Love Story Rooted in Friendship
Elida, who emigrated from Colombia to Los Angeles at 18, met Donald at a club in West Hollywood, a hub for LGBTQ+ nightlife. Their connection was immediate, starting as friends before becoming inseparable.
Faced with the harsh realities of discrimination against LGBTQ+ individuals, they decided to marry. “With my grandmother being an immigrant, him being in Hollywood, and it not being accepted, they said, ‘Okay, why don’t we get married,’” Owens explained.
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The couple struck an arrangement: they would maintain a conventional marriage publicly while privately acknowledging their true selves. They also allowed each other to date outside the marriage, adhering to mutually agreed-upon rules.
“My grandfather worshiped the ground she walked on,” Owens recalls. “He did everything. He opened doors for her. He paid bills. He was even the stay-at-home dad so she could pursue her dream.”
Embracing Authenticity at 90
Now 90 years old, Elida is embracing her sexuality with the full support of her family, which has long championed acceptance and their own individual LGBTQ+ identities.
Owens herself identifies as a lesbian, as does Elida’s daughter, while her son-in-law is bisexual with three gay brothers.
Growing up in such an environment of acceptance, Owens says coming out was a positive experience. “I knew I wouldn’t have to worry about my family passing judgment on me,” she says.
Owens fondly recalls joking with her grandmother about dating. “I told her, ‘This would be a good time to post your video about you being gay, and then I can get you a girlfriend.’”
What Is a Lavender Marriage?
The term “lavender marriage” has left many of Owens’ followers asking more
A “lavender marriage” refers to a marriage between a man and a woman that’s intended to conceal one or both partners’ true sexual orientation.
They were often entered into in order to maintain social acceptance while concealing their true identities. These marriages were especially common during times when LGBTQ+ relationships faced widespread discrimination.
Lavender marriages were frequently based on mutual respect, companionship, and shared goals, as in Elida and Donald’s case. They allowed both parties to navigate societal pressures while supporting each other’s personal freedoms.
In more recent years, Business Insider reports that younger generations are starting to adopt the relationship construct in order to navigate financial pressures, shun dating pressures, and embrace companionship.
TikTok Sparks Community Reflections
Owens’ TikTok video resonated widely, with many sharing their own experiences with lavender marriages.
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“11 years into my lavender marriage and six kids later lol we will see what life brings us,” one user commented.
Another wrote, “Dating my husband, he told me he got ‘engaged’ when he was in the Navy to his friend Carol to get her out of trouble. That’s when I knew he was the one.:
As Elida navigates her new chapter, her story inspires her family and TikTok viewers alike. For Owens, one takeaway stands out: “It’s never too late to love who you love, and there’s nothing wrong with loving who you love.”
We wish Elida all the best in this new chapter in life.
